The Friendships You Need

It is much easier to trust the heart of those around you when you learn to trust the heart of the Lord for you. What do I mean by that? I see far too many people who never get comfortable in their relationship with the Lord. It's one of the reasons why they never press in to know Him better. Unsure of how the Lord will relate to them. Insecure in their standing and in His nature. This lack of friendship (if you will) with the Lord typically translates into very loose friendships with the people around you.

We need to develop the types of relationships where people can speak into our lives. To go deep enough that they can share the things necessary to build us up. These may be words of discernment, knowledge, encouragement, admonishment, and even correction. To keep ourselves at a distance means that we will never allow anyone close enough to really make a difference. What some could mean as encouragement could be perceived as deception. What others would mean by constructive criticism could be perceived as character assassination. It's all about the distance. The lack of intimacy that we have with one another.

Faithful are the Wounds of a Friend
Many of us have been hurt by others. We have had people in and out of our lives that never meant to get close. Always critical. Not really for us. Maintaining enough distance to never carry your heart, but close enough to inflict pain. We have also had people who have been extremely close to us, but for one reason or another left in a hurry. They believed it best to end the friendship. Do damage to the people around them. Never really considering the cost of burning bridges.

The faithful wounds of a friend are not the ones inflicted by those who leave. They are the wounds that are created by those who stay. Those who have no intention of hurting you, but are willing to bring healing where the wounds appear. They are honest and faithful. They truly have your best intention at heart. They are close enough to see the things that are stunting your growth, impeding your progress, and wreaking havoc on your identity. While they may be the one to reveal these things, you can be assured that they will stick with you during the process of wholeness.

Profuse are the Kisses of an Enemy
While the wounds of a friend are faithful, the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Is there any greater form of betrayal? Our Lord was betrayed with a kiss. And He knew it. Which shows us the type of discernment that we need to live in. How many times have we grown to despise the truth from those who love us, and embraced the endearment of those who were simply using us? And while we have experienced this in the relationships we have entered into, the reality is that there is a greater enemy at work.

Insecurity is not your friend. Oh, how it loves to kiss you. How it loves to deceive you into thinking that people really don't have your best intention at heart. While a friend is more than willing to tell you the truth, insecurity will lie to your face. Cause you to doubt the people around you. Keep you at a distance. At least far enough from really allowing people into your heart and life.

Is there a Solution?
I believe there is. I believe that if we will find security in our Heavenly Father, then we will discover security in our relationships.

THIS WILL TAKE TIME! People rarely develop insecurities overnight. It tends to be a lengthy process. A hurt here. A lie there. Betrayal. Unmet expectations. The fall of a hero. These are just some of the things that can create insecurity. Then insecurity begins to build a wall around our heart. Over time we have created an impenetrable fortress. Walls that only we can deconstruct.

This is why I always encourage people to get alone with the Lord first. He is to be our High Tower, not a wall that we have constructed. He is to be our fortress, not the insecurity that we live in. Through prayer, meditation, and seeking the Lord, we can begin to strip away the lies that have kept us at arms length with so many. Building once again upon the foundation of our identity in Christ, we can start to trust. We can learn how to open our hearts rather than keep them hidden. We can allow others into our lives.

Can you imagine the environment within the church when we begin to tear down our walls? Take off our masks? Begin to open ourselves to one another?
Can you imagine the depth of our relationships when we have the strength to live authentically? Never needing to hide who we really are? Willing to live in complete honesty?
Is there anyone out there among us who doesn't want this kind of life?

I am so grateful that the Bible tells us that we can be perfected in love, and that in that perfection fear is removed. Fear is the root of it all. It branches out into insecurity, falsehoods, and skepticism. Leaving no room for trust. And the rotten fruit that comes from this type of life is isolation and bitterness. I don't know about you, but I think it is time to take the axe to the root. Stop trying to deal with the fruit and just take care of the root. Be amazed at how the Lord will begin to open you up.

I want and need people in my life that I can trust. I want and need people who can speak into my life. What I don't need is people who need a Bible verse to justify their nastiness. I need people who can come alongside of me and say, "I'm here to walk through this with you." We all need it. The question is: Do We Want It?