It's one thing to have kids & quite another thing to create a family.
It's what we do in these relationships that make the difference. While each of these carry their own struggles, marriage & family carry a joy that is all their own. How we invest ourselves matters.
Let me be the first to say that I have not been the perfect husband or the perfect father. I have learned a lot of hard lessons along the way. One of the greatest lessons: there is more to learn.
That may sound too simplistic for many of you. However, it was this lesson that reminded me that there is more to that family thing than I understood. There is not one person alive today that has gotten it all right in marriage and/or parenting. Of course there are many books on these subjects. There are a ton of workshops. What each family has to discover for themselves is what works in their home. While there may be some foundational principles we can all live by, the differences each spouse & child possess require that we adapt.
Thankfully, I have learned how to call out the best of my children & my wife before it was too late. I also learned how to be "all in" in our relationship. I stopped thinking that there were others things I could invest my time, life, & resources into that would be better. I discovered that my marriage & my kids were the greatest investment. They will be the legacy that I leave in the Earth. The love, honor, & care I give to them is my greatest currency. And today I am a proud man because of what I see in their lives.
I remember learning that marriage was a continual pursuit. That is what it means to "cleave" unto your wife. In the Hebrew we discover that this word can be defined as "pursue to overtake." The "one flesh" notion of a man & a woman does not happen by accident. I have learned how to pursue my wife. I have invested in our relationship. She knows her place in me.
This same lesson has been applied to my children. I have discovered what communicates love to them. I have learned how to discipline through honor. I have chosen to be the greatest encouragement in their lives. When they want to be built up, they know they can come to their Dad. I continually call out who they are in life. I see their strengths. I pray for their weaknesses. They know they are loved.
In the end, I believe the last statement is the most important. My wife & my kids know they are loved. It's not just a word in our home. I embrace them. I pray for them. I speak to them affectionately. I prophecy into their lives. My love for them is never in question. While we may have our disagreements and conflicts, they know that I will humble myself and apologize when needed. We forgive. We laugh. We share life together.
This is the investment of ourselves.
Our spouses & kids are not more secure when we can give them the best of things. They are more secure when they receive the best of us.
It requires being intentional. There is no room for laziness in these relationships, but in our families we can uncover one of our greatest rewards. May the love of God permeate our hearts for our families. May our homes be a place for the discovery of His goodness.
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