Something Easily Forgotten

After a conversation with a close friend the other day, I realized that there are some things in life and marriage that are easily forgotten. In particular, we tend to forget the importance of communicating love to one another in the language that is best suited for the one that is receiving. Several years ago Dr. Gary Chapman introduced the book "The 5 Love Languages" to help couples understand how to communicate love to one another in the best way possible.

The following is a summary of the languages which can be found at www.5lovelanguages.com :

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Here's what you and I need to grasp: Just because someones love language is different that yours doesn't mean it is invalid. We may do well communicating in our own language (what says "I love you" to me) but it doesn't mean the other person is getting the message. We must learn how to communicate our love to the other person in their love language.

This principle is so effective that it works in every relationship. Couples, children, friends, etc...they all communicate love through their own personal love language. We simply have to discover what works and what communicates love in the most accurate way. Don't be bothered by the process. Look at it as the joy of discovery. If you are unsure of your own unique language, there are simple questions that can be answered to help you find it. Many of these resources can be found on the website that I mentioned earlier.

Enjoy the process and continue in the passionate pursuit of those you love!!!