Proverbs 25:28, "Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls." I have always enjoyed the wisdom of Solomon and this particular proverb has become one of my favorites. It challenges me in the one area of life that I can control: ME.
Have you noticed how many products are on the market to help you do what you should be able to do already? Can't stop smoking? Get a patch or some gum. Need help losing weight? Take a pill or drink this foreign substance. Have a hard time getting motivated to do the work around the house? Try energy in a bottle. The point that I am trying to make is that in almost every area of life, we have taken control away from ourselves and replaced it with a drug or an herbal remedy. What ever happened to good old self control? You want to stop smoking? Then stop! You want to lose weight? Then stop cramming food in your mouth at every opportunity and get some exercise. Having a hard time getting motivated to do the work around the house? You don't need to down an energy drink. Just get up of the couch and do it.
I was thinking about this principle the other day while reading a book on parenting. By the way, I do recommend "Loving Our Kids on Purpose" by Danny silk. Funny thing about reading a book that you think will help you control your kids behavior. You discover that it's your behavior that needs to be controlled. The same tends to hold true in books on marriage. Rather than looking at the changes my spouse needs to make, they tend to focus on the one thing that can be controlled: the person who is actually reading the book. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it all comes down to this thing called self-control. We have to recapture the ability to tell ourselves what to do in each and every situation. When everything falls down around us, the only question that will remain is what could I have done different.
In an interview with Billy Ray Cyrus that discussed his recent divorce and breakdown of his home, the interview asked if he would have changed anything over the past few years. "Heck yeah..." I think was his response. Hindsight is always 20/20 vision. He would have said "NO" to Hannah Montana. He would have said "NO" to a lot of the junk he let into his home. He would have exercised more control over the situation. Now all he can do is look over the choices and blame outside influences and himself on the destruction of his family. Believe me when I say that I don't enjoy sharing his story. This is one of the saddest things I watch play out in public in a long time. And when did the train wreck start? It all started when he stopped exercising his control over the situation.
We all need to understand that we cannot control other people. I cannot control my children, I cannot control my spouse, and I cannot control outsiders. What I can control is me and the environment that I create for my family. I can control my desires. I can control my actions. I can control my reactions. I can use my self-control to create a wall around my family. Without it...the enemy has a way into the house.
The wisdom is Solomon's proverb is that he doesn't take about the enemy that can invade the city. He doesn't talk about things that are lacking in the wall. He simply says that a person who has no control over his own spirit is defenseless. God has given each of us the ability to control ourselves. We cannot play the "blame game" anymore. And if you know Jesus, and the Holy Spirit dwells inside of you, one of the fruits that comes out of this relationship is self-control. Not only has God given us the natural ability to control ourselves, He has provided the supernatural ability as well.
It's time for men and women, husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, and everyone else to regain what we have placed in the hands of others. When it comes to this topic, I know that I can be very straight forward. But I have been a first-hand witness to what happens in a family when blame gets passed around. I have seen the destruction of marriages that did not come from any outside force. If people would have exercise some self-control then their lives would be very different today.
Don't let this proverb become a reality in your life. Learn how to control the only thing you can control: You.
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