Lessons to Be Learned

This morning I read through a list of "15 Biggest Mistakes I've Made As A Pastor." It was written by Carlos Rodriguez at www.happysonship.com. I saw the article on a friend's facebook page & thought it was worth sharing.

I'm only sharing Carlos' mistakes because I haven't made any...yeah...right. The reality is that I have made many of these same mistakes. We can learn from them or continue to fail in these areas. We can try to hide from them, burying our head in the sand, or we can embrace our humanity. The reason I share these is because of his honesty & openness. I hope these are encouraging for you.

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1. When I told other people to, “Get over it”:
I usually said it a nice way. I sounded spiritual and caring while doing it. But it was the fleshy advice of someone who didn’t care. I didn’t want to be that someone, but most of the time I was so consumed with the things I was dealing with in my own life, that I had nothing else to give. So “Get over it” really meant, “I have no solution.” “I have no energy to walk this road with you.” "I think we both need help!” From now on, I’m going to try my best, just to listen to my friends.

2. When I pretended to be humble: (Which is the most prideful thing).
But it’s so easy to do. You share enough to appear humble, but not enough to actually be humbled. Our generation is enamoured with the idea of vulnerability, but we kind of suck at it. It has become a marketing tool to appear approachable. It’s the hipster thing to do. But we still want control. We’re still ashamed. So we hide. (And now I’m aware that that’s probably what I’m still doing writing this blog.)

3. When I exaggerated the story:
a.k.a. Embellished the truth – a.k.a. Took licence with reality – Lying, basically. It’s one of the biggest temptations a preacher will face. But the truth is beautiful, it’s daring , it’s captivating enough. And it carries more power than any add-ons you can produce. Say it like it is, or don’t say it at all.

4. When I booked too many meetings:
It’s like an addiction. A need to meet again, and again, and again. I guess we do it because we like the people we work with. We try to communicate as best as possible. We are committed to having quality time with our team. But the “meeting” became the main driver. I forgot to value the faces and began to focus on the agenda. I realized that I was communicating unspoken messages like, "I don’t trust you”, “I need to keep my eyes on you” “Unless I lead you in this project/strategy/situation you will fail” Bull!

5. When I de-valued people’s desires and minimized their personal dreams.
But people are at their best when they are doing what they want. Because we all love choices. Especially our own. And God seems to be ok with that.

6. When I started to fall in love with Western Christianity:
Which made me fall out-of-love with Christ. Dumbest. Move. Ever.

7. When I believed the lie that “ministry is a lonely place”:
Which gave me permission to be a hermit, to play the victim card. Enough of that junk. We were created for community. This is not a cute church slogan, it’s a reality for survival. We need each other.

8. When I thought my sermon was awesome:
Or thought my sermon sucked bad. They are both self-centred reactions. Just have to trust God with what came out of my mouth. 50% of it was my opinion. The other 45% was the opinions of others, spoken through me. The 5% left was probably God (probably) (I hope). And I have to trust that He loves me, and the crowd, enough to do wonders with that 5%.

9. When I forgot to go to the bathroom before speaking:
Or remembered to go the bathroom, but forgot to check if my flies were still open. (It’s happened multiple times) When will I learn?!?

10. When I told everyone how much I prayed:
Or the last time I fasted (which was 2004 but I’m still taking about it). Or how good this morning’s time with the Lord was. Classic. But Jesus was all about keeping that stuff secret. Expose your weaknesses, let your strengths speak for themselves.

11. When I treated the congregation like they were all full-time pastors:
Demanding stuff from them like they were all employees of the ministry. Expecting them to drop everything for the sake of the kingdom (Carlos’ kingdom) Where I ruled as king and lord. Never forget, the whole point is to serve, not to be served.

12. When I considered missing my sons’ birthday to go on a ministry trip:
I did not do it. A combination of my wife’s stare and God’s wrath allowed me to see light. But I was on the edge. And that is bad enough. I should have said “NO!” without blinking. But I thought about it. A lot. #almostadouche

13. Caring too much about your opinion, but not caring enough about your heart:
Been there. Done that. And I’m sorry.

14. When I told everyone “family was priority” but I lived like the ministry was:
I fell for it. Like so many others before me. And so I ask for your prayers. (And whenever I forget, I will watch the movie, Click with Adam Sandler and let God speak to me again) – My wife is my calling. My boys are my disciples. My family is the congregation.

15. When I waited too long to get help:
Are you in pain? Are you constantly feeling alone? Do you have emotions that seem to be out of control? Talk to someone. Like right now. Don’t fight alone, you might lose. And that would be a shame.
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I have a good friend in ministry who has made it a point to apologize for the times he tried to shame them into things. I have another friend who stands before his church regularly to say he is sorry for missing it. I've personally apologized for things I have believed, said, or ways that I have acted. Why? Because the church needs this type of integrity. The church needs this type of openness. The church needs to be seen for what it is: a community of believers who are REAL.

Have a great weekend.