I was watching an episode of "The Waltons" with the family last night and heard an incredible quote. In this episode, Ben had purchased a pair of elevator shoes to make himself look taller. After walking around the house without being noticed by the family, he goes to his room. John (the dad) walks in to encourage his son. He says, "When people look only at your outside, it’s them that come up short."
Let me share a couple of observations:
#1 - Why don't they make TV programs like this any more? I remember watching these shows as a child. They were filled with strong family values, wisdom, and were very entertaining. Our children absolutely love watching these old shows with us. AND we are glad to share them!
#2 - Watching this exchange between John and one of his sons reminded me of the importance of speaking truth into your children. They are the legacy that we leave in the earth.
Studies have found that our children get their sense of identity, security, and protection from the father. Men, this is where we have to pay attention. I want you to consider the amount of fatherless homes in America. Is it any wonder that we have countless young people who are confused, seek constant approval from their friends, and struggle to see the truth of who they have been created to be. When the person who is responsible for providing these needs is not involved in our lives, the result is brokenness, emptiness, and despair. I know there are plenty of single moms giving their best to the children, but a strong woman can never make up for the influence of a man.
Identity - I want you to think for a moment about how you interact with your children. What does your son/daughter hear from you. Do they hear how amazing they are? Do we tell them that they are loved, accepted, and that God has purpose for them? If all our children receive from us is negative criticism then they will always have a negative view of who they are. When you read the Old Testament and find fathers blessing their children, they always end up walking in how the father has blessed them. Whether it is negative or positive - our words have power. We hold a great influence over the next generation. Can you imagine a generation that is strong in their identity?
Security - It is still reasonable to consider that in our culture the man is seen as the provider of the home. Even if mom makes more money we tend to look at the dad to be the one who supplies. When we struggle to provide for the needs of the home, then the view of dad can be skewed in the minds of our children. Not only that, but it also clouds our children's view of God. If we cannot trust our dads to provide for our needs when we are young then we will struggle with the idea that God can provide for all my needs in Christ.
Protection - Remember the arguments when we were kids: "My dad can beat up your dad"? Unless there is a body-building mother in the home, we tend to run to dad when we are scared. He is the protector. Our kids need to know that we will risk everything to keep them from danger. They need to know that we will defend them, fight for them, and shield them from the things that will cause pain.
The problems with our kids typically come from these areas. The same can be said about the role of the mother - she tends to handle the areas of comfort, nurture, and teaching. This is why a strong family environment is necessary to help kids become all that God has created them to be. The good news in all of this is that even when we fail to meet all of these needs that if we learn how to love our kids according to their love language that they can still be healthy. There may be areas of struggle but they don't have to go through life completely wounded. I know that when you had kids that you didn't realize you had signed-up for this - but it's our responsibility as parents to provide for all these needs.
Some tips from "The Waltons":
- Slow down your pace. These episodes were filmed in the 70's and reflect a time in America when life seemed to move at a much slower pace. There was always time for the family. They ate together, played together, and talked to one another. Look for the things in your family that cause you to be so busy. Can anything be removed?
- Simplify your life. "The Waltons" also reflect a time when life was much simpler. There is no TV, cell-phones, video games, or Internet. While I am a fan of technology, I'm not a fan of allowing these advances to raise my children. When I need to speak to my son or daughter, I don't want to have to fight the latest Disney show, the phones, or Internet games. I'm also not saying that you have to throw everything away. However, you should be willing to create boundaries. Be willing to change the things that complicate your life.
- Share life with your family. There is always something about these shows that make me envious. It's the quality of life that is discovered. Sure...times were hard, they had to work hard for everything they had; however, the family did not suffer. It's one thing to live with the awareness that nothing is easy but quite another thing to make everything hard. Your kids need you. They need your blessing. They need you to talk to them, embrace them, encourage them, correct them, etc. They need you to speak and share life with them.
***The legacy you leave with your children is up to you. It's not about the stuff you give, the amount of wealth that you create, or the possessions that you pass down. It's about you - giving yourself to ensure that your kids know who they are, are secure in your love, and feel protected. What are you going to leave for them?
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